Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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