I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
