its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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