last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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