dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
