Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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