You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
