Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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