Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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