If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
