Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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