You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
