he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
