Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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