i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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