Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
