Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
