Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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