I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
