I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
