Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
