I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
