just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
