is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We need to get me chipped asap
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
