i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
