When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize