...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
