There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
