just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
