You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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