fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
