They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
