I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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