Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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