At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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