Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
