i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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