we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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