Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
