just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
