You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
