thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
