I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
