I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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