someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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