wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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