i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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