I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I look better un-naked...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
