I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
