can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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