Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
